The Freq Show

29. What happens after you achieve a big goal?

• Sam Thurmond & Jaclyn Steele Thurmond • Season 1 • Episode 29

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In this episode of The Freq Show, Jaclyn and Sam dive into the often-overlooked feelings that come after hitting a big goal. They discuss the sense of letdown, self-doubt, and purposelessness that can follow success, and offer insights on how to keep moving forward. With practical tips for staying in a high-frequency mindset and embracing rest and reflection, this episode encourages you to navigate the post-goal void with grace. As always, they close with a thought-provoking question to help you reflect on your own journey.


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Jaclyn:

Hello and welcome to The Freq Show. This is episode, I believe, 29. I can be numerically challenged at times, and today we are going to be talking about what happens after you achieve a big goal. And we wanted to bring up this topic because we recently achieved a really big goal and the aftermath was not exactly what we expected it to be, and we figured that if we're experiencing this, then there is a very good chance that other people are also experiencing similar feelings. So we wanted to talk about that and then talk about how to approach the aftermath of goal achievement in a healthy way. Yeah, did I summarize that well?

Sam:

Yeah, I think so. We're just talking about the letdown after you work really hard towards something and then you achieve it, and then what happens next?

Jaclyn:

Yeah, because achieving something does not always feel like a victory lap.

Sam:

Right.

Jaclyn:

And I think this last round for me that became the most acute it's ever been. Yeah.

Sam:

Well, you know, they always say the reward is in the process, it's in the journey and getting there, and I think there's a lot of truth to that. But I think if you have your proper expectations going into it, once you do accomplish that, you know it can help a lot.

Jaclyn:

I agree, okay, so couple points of business. If you haven't left us a review yet, please do. If you enjoy this podcast, it means the world to us. We look at the reviews, we read them and we appreciate the time it takes to write them. Second of all, the Freq app is out, so you can download it. Simply type into your search bar on iOS, in the app store, or on Android, the Freq app, and Freq is spelled F-R-E-Q, and you'll be able to download it and listen to the calibrations that we have been working on all summer.

Sam:

Yep, enjoy, I think you'll love it.

Jaclyn:

I think you'll love it too. Okay, so let's go into segment one of this podcast, which is the high of achievement and the low that follows. My question to you, Sam have you ever felt that sense of letdown after achieving something big, and what did it feel like?

Sam:

What do you want to just talk about? Should we just talk about what happened recently? Yeah yeah, so we've shared on previous episodes that we were working on a really big project the largest project we've ever worked on, from the size of the property as well as the budget involved and we worked diligently on this project for, I'd say, about six months. That doesn't include the time it took to find the project, to fund it and everything on the front end. But we fell in love with the home and we knew that it was going to be a good one. It already had great bones, but there were a lot of lessons that we had to learn along the way.

Sam:

On this one, just the scale and the level of finishes. It's a luxury home, so higher end finishes, everything had to be perfect. So we were kind of stressing and straining the whole way through, taking some lumps along the way. But in that period, when you're kind of in that stressful state, you also kind of feel alive. That's the silver lining of it is, you feel like you really have a lot of purpose.

Jaclyn:

Well, you become addicted to the adrenaline. And also just a side note. You talked about like feeling like we have to have everything perfect because it's a luxury property. I always feel like. I have to have everything perfect. Everything.

Sam:

Yeah. It was especially important on this one.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, yeah, because of the price point.

Sam:

Yeah, yeah, so, bottom line, we worked really hard for a long time on this project. It was the biggest one we had ever done and it was really kind of a representation of ourselves and what we want our business to be in the end, as far as the product goes, and it ended up being that. It ended up being just that. You know, it turned out basically exactly like we hoped it would. It was well-received.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, like a landmark property for our business.

Sam:

Yeah, yeah. And the transaction on the business side of things it went really well. Just to be an open book. It stressed us financially all the way to the end of the line, so that was really stressful. But there was all the way to the end of the line. So that was really stressful, but there was a big payoff in the end. The headache is proportionate to the payoff, as Leroy says. So that all came to fruition. It ended up being fantastic in the end but very stressful throughout the process. But then, once we got to the end, we sold the house. The product was fantastic, the money was in our bank. We were kind of like, well, what do we do now? So I would say, for the better part, did you want to say something?

Jaclyn:

Well, I feel like I went on the verge of a panic attack, I think just in. Well, I feel like I went on the verge of a panic attack. I think just in. You know, it's important to be self-aware and I feel like I have lived much of my life in a state of fight or flight and so I've become very, very comfortable in high pressure situations as far as my mental game goes.

Sam:

Yeah.

Jaclyn:

I'm calm, I'm collected, I can turn on the focus. But then when there is ease and there is safety, the adrenaline junkie in me and the person who is used to being in fight or flight kind of goes crazy. I don't want to say I had a full-on panic attack, but I remember looking at you and going I have no idea what to do next. And I think for me, when I'm on the, when I am in a state of fight or flight, but I've got a project, I have some control because I know what I need to do next. I know what needs to be done. When I don't have that kind of pressure and that kind of clear project, my brain automatically goes. I have way too many choices, I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to do next.

Sam:

And I think there's a feeling of I'm not being productive enough because I don't have this heightened state of pressure.

Sam:

And what that pressure does is it forces you to rise to the occasion. So you know you have to be on point, your routine needs to be on point, your mindset game needs to be on point, just to deal with the pressure. And then, when that's gone, you're kind of left in this in-between where you don't necessarily have that singular focus anymore. So it's hard to kind of rest and recuperate, um, in that time, because you just feel like you're you're not being as productive as you should be, Um, and you're not, though you are working towards something, or we are working toward a lot of things. Uh, it's a little less focused. So it just doesn't feel, as you know, funny enough, it doesn't feel as comfortable not to have those like high stake, that high stake pressure on you every day. It's kind of like it's like the Olympians that say you know they work their entire lives to go to the Olympics and then, once the Olympics are over, it's kind of like, well, you know what? Now who?

Jaclyn:

Who am I?

Sam:

So after they achieve their goal.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, and I don't think we went down the rabbit hole quite that far, but it did affect us deeply and that's why we wanted to take the time to address this on the podcast, because we know that some of you are going through the same things. If you're listening to this podcast, you're probably a high achiever, you're probably a type A personality who is goal oriented, and so this is very normal, and I think the expectation is that once you reach a goal, it's joy, it's elation, it's celebration, and when we got the offer on Villa Secreta, that is how I felt. But then, in the period from that time, which is about a month, to actually closing, is when all kinds of fear crept back in and I started to feel like, okay, what's next, what's next, what's next?

Sam:

Oh yeah, well, for me I think that period was more so, my God, I hope this goes through. So that was still a pressure period. But once we had the payoff, that's when I felt like we had that short period of relaxation where you felt really good about everything. Everything was stabilized in our lives. Much more. But then, quickly after that, you start not panicking but we start putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to have the next thing in the pipeline One, because we want to be consistent.

Jaclyn:

And that's our primary source of income right now.

Sam:

Yeah, we want to be consistent. It just doesn't feel good to kind of be in that in between, I guess.

Jaclyn:

No, it does not feel.. Well, yeah it's you don't have control because you don't know what's going to happen next, and that's one of the exciting things about real estate. That's also one of the very nerve wracking things about real estate. And just to kind of wrap up, this example with Villa Secreta and you guys can look at our Instagram profiles and see how beautiful this property turned out but this was absolutely the biggest project we took on, monetarily and size-wise, and we, in tackling this project, we listed it in May in Scottsdale, which is not an ideal time to list. It's when a lot of wealthy people are leaving for the summer because it gets so hot here. You know I love the term no excuses, but that's just how it is and the market becomes a lot slower here in the summer.

Jaclyn:

So we faced several challenges. That Side note. I'm so glad we phased because we grew so much and some of those lessons are things that we never could have paid for. But as a result, the property was on market for about two months longer than we initially anticipated and holding costs for this particular project are thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars per month. So having the property on market just an extra couple of months is thousands and thousands of dollars that were coming out of our account, and so it just felt like a sink or swim moment in our lives Again. The lessons that we learned from it were so pivotal. But then, when we finally closed on it, we had been in that fight or flight, sink or swim mode for so long, for so many months, that the letdown felt like we were tumbling down a mountain.

Sam:

Yeah, to me it just felt more like, okay, we got to get going again. We can't, and that's just part of business also.

Jaclyn:

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

Sam:

You can't sit on your heels, you have to keep going, and I think that was like the crux of it was. You know you want to, we need a little bit of a break, but you know what is the right amount of time to take to be kind of, to get your breath. But then at the same time, you know it takes time to find these projects and find deals that make sense. And it takes a long time to renovate, then then sets in the pressure of needing the next thing.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, so I think for me, my journey was a little bit more personal in that I feel like my nervous system was just so done at the end of that, after being in that state of fight or flight for so long. The day we closed, I remember feeling so much tension in my neck and jaw. It was like my body was having a physical reaction and also a release after holding so much tension for so long. So all of that to say when you accomplish big goals, we're so proud of ourselves and it's so awesome to find our growth edge, and many times you can celebrate at the end of the goal. But for us, that celebration, I think, was clouded over by the okay, what's next? Feeling, and I think we could have handled that with more grace for ourselves and for our business.

Sam:

Yeah, certainly it's important to celebrate. I read a book a while ago or listened to a podcast or something that talked about. If you don't take time to celebrate your wins and really validate that and you just go on to the next thing, then you're never going to be able to, you know, enjoy your success. And I think that that's pretty common, especially in driven people, as it's always the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. But it's a balance, you know celebrate the victory, really absorb it, get some rest, get some space so you can get some more creative energy.

Jaclyn:

So, segment number two, we want to talk about navigating that void and navigating that self doubt. So my question for you is what did you do when you felt like you had lost purpose after hitting that big milestone and how did you get out of that?

Sam:

I think for me the purpose shifted to okay, how are we going to do this again? And what I mean by that is there is some self-doubt. I think that creeped in. Um, that was telling me, you know you're you got to figure out how to find the next deal. Is that even going to be possible? You know we live in one of the most competitive markets in the country. Do you have a plan moving forward of how to go about doing that and will you be successful? Because I look at 10, 20, 30, 50 deals a day sometimes and none of those are opportunities. I mean, I am constantly scouring for deals, so I think a little doubt crept in.

Sam:

But this is something that has been recurring as long as we've been doing this, and always in the back of my mind is I know that it just takes time. It's a numbers game. You're going to have to look at, you know, a thousand deals before you find a really good one. So I think, falling back on that and knowing, look, it's just a matter of time, you're going to find it, it's going to happen. You just have to be consistent in your daily routine and that's what I always fall back on is as long as I do X, Y and Z every day to work toward something or work toward a specific objective, it will happen. It's just a matter of time.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, I think being mindful during these periods of self-doubt or voids for lack of a better term is really important. Know thyself and, I think, acknowledging how you're feeling and accepting it. After that closing happened, I couldn't believe that I wasn't jumping up and down with joy and that I was elated, and that I wasn't super elated because I had every reason to be. Yet I didn't genuinely feel like that and so, acknowledging that I don't actually feel like that and accepting whatever kind of soup I had brewing of emotions, and understanding that they were bubbling up for a reason and they were there to teach me, to show me, to direct me, and so I think you know we'll bring it back to the Freq app. Having a tool like that that uses frequency, music and then specific messages also helps, because in these calibrations that we create, we take you through mindset shifts, and so the idea is to take a thought and completely transform it by the end of the calibration, and so to go back to basics and use tools like that to help you get into a more positive mental state is extremely helpful. Having a routine like you mentioned is extremely helpful, and then also not trying to push away.

Jaclyn:

Rush away any negative feelings, because sometimes negative feelings are our greatest teachers, and my lesson throughout this experience has been my nervous system is on overdrive and I have an addiction to adrenaline. I like that feeling of being a little. I don't like the feeling, but I'm addicted to the feeling of being a little scared, being a little rushed feeling, but I'm addicted to the feeling of being a little scared, being a little rushed. If you're somebody who likes to wait till the last minute to leave for somewhere and you're continuously late, you might be somebody who's addicted to adrenaline. I have been that person. But now I'm 38 years old. I turned 38 last month. I don't want to take that addiction to adrenaline, that addiction to the rush, into the next decade of my life and I don't want to transfer that onto my son, because you can be ambitious without having an addiction to adrenaline that causes your nervous system all kinds of very high price point what's the right word?

Sam:

There are costs to running to redlining all the time.

Jaclyn:

Yes, there are very high costs to redlining all the time, and that has been me. Even if I'm not physically, like constantly on the move, my mind is always on the move and so getting to that point of feeling disappointed, even after hitting our biggest goal. Yet it was such a reminder to me of how much joy there is in the process, because there was so much joy in creating that property and then designing it and working on it, but also there needs to be joy in treating my body and my mind with respect and reverence. It's sacred, my body is sacred, my mind is sacred, my spirit is sacred.

Jaclyn:

And if I don't consider those things, I am going to constantly be burning at different rates and I'm going to constantly be segmenting my life, and what I mean by that is going okay, this is the period of go, go, go, go go, and then I'll make up for it later. Or this is the period of I'm so burnt out I literally can't do anything, so then I'll make up for that later and I don't want to live like that anymore. No-transcript badly over the years is really helpful.

Sam:

Yeah, yeah, and I think that there is that and you've already said all this, so I'm just kind of saying it again in my own words. But when you have that high stakes, high pressure situation, this example, it's frantic. There's a frantic energy because there are a million different moving parts and you know, bob does something wrong and you have to go back and get it corrected, and then something else doesn't go the way that it needs to go. So there are a million different moving parts, so there's a lot of frantic energy. And then I think when we sold the house, we were still trying to apply that frantic energy to the other things that we were doing.

Sam:

That's a good point energy to the other things that we were doing the podcast, the app, the other projects that we have going, finding new projects because it feels like that you have to have that sense of urgency to get things done, especially like when you're running a project like that. But then when you try to apply that to more creative endeavors, it's kind of counterproductive because you need to use a creative energy which is not really aligned with. You know, frantic just going haywire rush, rush, rush.

Jaclyn:

Yeah. So, to sum up that point, when you are feeling that sense of doubt or possibly purposelessness after achieving a big goal, it's really just an opportunity for reflection. You know how can you approach this next time in a way that's more sustainable? In a way that's more sustainable, in a way that feels more aligned for the person you want to become. Okay, let's start to wrap this up In segment three. I want to talk about the power of rest and reflection and how important it is and how important I'm learning it is, and and I feel like I learned this in 2018 after we went to Greece for two weeks, we had been working, working, working, working, working. We went to Greece for two weeks. We had an incredible time. We got back and both of us felt completely renewed, so inspired, so ready to work, and we were like we're never going to work for that length of time again without a break. And then we worked for that length of time again without a break.

Sam:

Yeah.

Jaclyn:

And what we did. We didn't take a ton of time off. I think we took about a week at the end of August, around my birthday, to just calm down a little bit. And the most amazing thing happened for me I started sleeping through the night. And that is a really big achievement for me because for years, years, I have struggled with sleeping, sometimes like full-blown insomnia, and so achieving that goal even though we had some of that sense of purposelessness, it allowed my nervous system to reset enough to sleep through the night, which is huge for me. So I know that the rest portion of this, after you have worked so hard to achieve a goal, is absolutely essential, because you come back from that rest, hopefully sleeping better, but also again inspired. You've got more creative juice to work on the next thing. You cannot consistently drive in a car with an empty tank. You cannot consistently be a productive human if you don't have the juice to be a productive human. So you have to fill up.

Sam:

Yeah, absolutely, and I think, are you so to to the question of do you think that we're too quick to move on to the next big goal? Do you feel like we've had that a proper period of rest? Because inside Scoop, we just of rest. Because inside scoop, we just, this morning, we just put an offer on what would be a $3.5 million project, which would be another, you know, step up. This last one was a little less than $2 million. As far as what we're putting into the project, this one will be $3.5 million and this will be, you know, twice the scale of that project. So, again, you know, here we go. Do you do you feel like we're we're ready to do that, or what's your take on that?

Jaclyn:

Well, if I'm perfectly honest and I always want to be honest with our listeners, because I feel like if we aren't fully transparent, then what are we doing? I don't know. I don't know and I prayed before we put the offer in. I said, God, if you want us to have this house, let us have it, and if you don't, then please block this transaction. I always want to be somebody who tries to find my next growth edge, because I think that that's what we're meant to do on this planet. We're meant to expand and grow, and we don't expand and grow without adversity, without taking risk. We have to take risks. We have to experience adversity in order to truly know who we are and what we're made of. Adversity, in order to truly know who we are and what we're made of. I think, as far as my nervous system goes, I would like a little bit more time before I'm responsible for, before we're responsible for a project of this magnitude. It's almost 7,000 square feet, so I don't know.

Sam:

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know either. I was just texting with a friend of mine, luke, because we spent this past weekend with them and a group of great people. But we had this conversation there because they're, you know, really go-getters and kind of of the same mindset and talking about being addicted to to uh adrenaline and doing more and growth and that sort of thing.

Sam:

So I don't either. But I was. I was texting Luke like, just like man, I can't decide if I'm, I can't decide if I'm excited that they might accept it or if I hope they don't accept it. You know what I mean. So I'm kind of in that in between as well. But, um, I think, as far as like taking the time to rest uh, partially, I would say. I would say we're about like 80% there, and part of that's because we're we just aren't that great at resting. Even when we're resting, it's like you're still trying to keep things going and keep things moving, so it's not like a full stop.

Sam:

And we have a two-year-old, yeah, but it's that balance. It's that balance of keeping the ball moving, growing, doing bigger and better things, and I know that we can do it. It's just a matter of going after it and getting it done. And we talked this morning like there's no kidding ourselves. There will be a lot of pressure and stress that goes along with this one, because it's not a super straightforward project.

Jaclyn:

But the upside is the biggest upside we've ever faced, so in some ways it could be worth it. But also, here's the other thing they may not accept our offer and even if they do, we still have due diligence. So we're not fully committed yet and that gives us a little bit of time. So for those of you listening that are like, well, I'm kind of in a similar situation, what do I do? Our philosophy is kind of like shoot your shot and then make a wise decision after with more information.

Sam:

So what I was saying was we're proceeding in a more controlled manner based off the lessons that we took from the previous project. So we are overestimating the cost, the carry cost, everything involved. So if we move forward, we have everything in place. We have the contractor in place. We have the plans in place, we have the money in place, so it's not as big of a strain this time. Moving forward, yeah.

Jaclyn:

And I would just add that may sound like we're just shooting from the hip and shooting our shot, but I didn't mean it in that way. We've been running numbers for the last three days. We've gone and looked at the property twice, for over an hour. Each time We've gone over plans, we have gone over comps over and over and over in the area. So we are making a very educated decision. We are just also in some ways leaving it up to fate when we say something like we're going to shoot our shot. Make an offer. If they accept it, Great. If they don't, great.

Sam:

Yep.

Jaclyn:

So last part of the podcast staying in a high frequency mindset despite all of these challenges. All of these challenges, I mean, life is beautiful, but life is hard and no one tells you when you're little that even in a period where it looks like everything in your life is going well you've got money in the bank, you've got the family, you've got the house, you've got the car, whatever it is there are still deep and difficult mental struggles. So how do we stay in a high-frequency mindset?

Sam:

Yeah, how do we stay in a high frequency mindset in that in-between space once you've accomplished a goal, but before you necessarily know what's next?

Jaclyn:

Yeah, I think, like I briefly mentioned earlier, when I am in this state, the most important thing for me is to return back to basics. So having a quiet time in the morning, journaling out my thoughts so they're not ping pong balling in my head. Having a workout routine so that my body is getting movement in and I'm taking care of myself, making sure I'm eating nourishing foods, because that always affects my mindset, that always affects my thoughts. It makes me feel better to eat well. And then also, on the little bit more exciting side of that, is building in time to read a novel and turn my brain off or watch a silly reality TV show to turn my brain off and allow my body and my mind to just rest and not feel guilty. I think that is absolutely essential. So, returning back to basics, doing what you need to do to feel good physically, mentally, spiritually Again, the Freq app is a great tool for this, especially when you need a quick reset and then also building in things that just make you feel good and grounded. What about you?

Sam:

Yeah, everything you said and I think, on the spiritual side, as far as faith goes, just opening yourself up to what's next and, however God intends to use you, just kind of surrendering, just like we surrender when we're in the high pressure situations. When the pressure isn't as high, do the same thing Just surrender and allow opportunities to come into your path and make sure that we have clear eyes and clear vision to see them.

Jaclyn:

Clear eyes, full hearts. What is it?

Sam:

Can't lose,

Jaclyn:

Can't lose. I love that joke

Jaclyn:

And I think also during this time, allowing yourself to recalibrate, but also take time to set some new intentions, right.

Sam:

Yeah.

Jaclyn:

So set your next goal and start praying about it. I prayed last night. God send us our next project.

Sam:

There it is.

Jaclyn:

So here we are. So I wanna encourage all of you listeners to trust that feeling that you're not lost, you're not purposeless. You're not lost, you're not purposeless, you're not fully in the void. This is a time that will pass and while you're in it, why not embrace it and make the best of it, right, okay? So if you're feeling that letdown after a big goal, know that it's totally normal. Give yourself permission to rest and reflect and trust that new purpose is on its way.

Sam:

Okay so, but yeah, and don't let the self-doubt creep in. Don't let that trick you into thinking that you know you're not going to be able to accomplish what you just accomplished. Know that it's going to be even greater this next time and that sometimes it just takes time for that right opportunity that's going to be even bigger to present itself. So allow that to happen. Don't stress over it. You don't have to try to force it to happen. Take the actions that you need to take, but know that it's on its way.

Jaclyn:

All right. So, before we wrap up, I don't want to keep hammering this, but I do want to keep hammering this. If you need a quick energy shift, if you need a quick boost, if you need encouragement, download the free gap. We created calibrations based on these very feelings that we're talking about today. So they are so human, they're so universal, and we talk about how to shift those thoughts and really transform them into something that's more life affirming. I want to leave you with a question what's one goal you've achieved recently and how are you giving yourself space to reflect, rest and realign for what's next? Thanks for tuning in.

Jaclyn:

Thank you so much for listening to the Freq Show with Sam Thurmond and me, Jaclyn Steele Thurmond. We would love to connect with you via our website, beckonliving. com, and on social media.

Sam:

You can find us on Instagram and TikTok @Beckon Living and you can join our email list to receive uplifting messages, podcast and business updates and discounts on high-frequency products just for our Freq community. Cheers to high-frequency living!