The Freq Show

28. The Antidote to Fear

• Sam Thurmond & Jaclyn Steele Thurmond • Season 1 • Episode 28

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What would it feel like to live a life without fear?  What if part of your purpose in this lifetime is to let go of fear?  How would your life be different?

In our world, fear is used as a tool to control us, but in today’s episode, Sam and I are chatting the antidote to fear that we have been utilizing successfully.


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Jaclyn:

Hello, hello, hello and welcome to The Freq Show. I am Jaclyn Steele Thurmond. I'm joined by my husband.

Sam:

Sam Thurmond.

Jaclyn:

And today we are going to talk about one of our favorite subjects which is something that we I feel like is a common theme in this podcast is talking about fear, because if we can overcome fear, we can do pretty much anything.

Sam:

Yeah, yeah, it is a very common theme for us, because I think that we've, you know, we've faced it over and over. Yeah.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, yeah. What would it feel like to live without fear? What if part of your purpose in this lifetime is to let go of fear? And how would your life be different? Purpose in this lifetime is to let go of fear, and how would your life be different?

Jaclyn:

I want to go over a couple of business items. Our Freq App is done. By the time you listen to this, it will probably be available everywhere. Right now we're just working out a couple of kinks, but if you want to head-on fear , head over to Freq and download the app, because we have several calibrations on fear and facing it and some tools and tactics we use to get over it. Also, get on our email list. We'll leave a link for that in the show notes, but we'll be giving updates on the Freq App. We'll be giving updates on all kinds of cool things that we have coming up and then, if you haven't already, please leave us a review. We'll start reading them again here on air, but getting your review like I love reading the reviews, I love getting feedback on this podcast. We put a lot of time and effort into it, and so to get positive reviews is such a boost and it helps people find our podcast and get on a higher frequency.

Sam:

Yeah, which is what this is all about. People like shoot messages if they have feedback, like stuff they want to hear about or want us to do more of.

Jaclyn:

Absolutely. You can do that by replying to one of the emails from our email newsletter, or you can email us at hello@ beckonlivingcom. Again, that's hello@ beckonliving. com. We also have the High Frequency Society text message group where we send out really wonderful text messages weekly, bi-weekly. So if you want to get involved with that as well, that will be in the show notes too. But without further ado, let's just get into the meat and potatoes of the episode.

Sam:

Sweet.

Jaclyn:

You want me to go for it?

Sam:

Let's do it.

Jaclyn:

Okay, so in our world, fear is used as a tool to control us. We don't have to look any further than what's going on in social media and in the media right now regarding the presidential election right. Fear is such a useful- it's a motivator.

Jaclyn:

It's a motivator tool to get people to fall in line and believe something. But in today's episode I want to chat the antidote to fear that we have been utilizing successfully. And the way that I came across this was because I was, a few months ago, in a state maybe it was like a month ago, I don't remember. Time is an illusion. Anyway, but I was in a state where I was feeling crippled by fear, and I'm sure so many of you can relate to that.

Jaclyn:

When you feel like there is no way forward, you don't even know how to put your foot in front of the other. You feel so crippled by fear, right? And so I was journaling and I was talking with God, and I find that when I ask very direct questions of God, I get very direct answers. And I ask God how do I move past this fear? How do I get over this? And I felt, God, tell me way that you get over fear is to live. Capital L-I-V-E Live, live full out. You want to out with the devil, live your life. And that hit me so deeply because I realized that fear was preventing me from moving forward in any way, and the way to get over fear is not necessarily to eliminate it, right.

Jaclyn:

But, it's to move in spite of it.

Sam:

Yeah Well, you're never going to eliminate it.

Jaclyn:

And that's our episode. Thanks for tuning in. What does it mean to you, though, to live your life, and is that an effective tool for you to overcome fear, like it was for me?

Sam:

Yes is the answer, yeah, and I think that, no matter what you're, no matter what, so live your life full out. I think, no matter what, you're going to have to move forward, otherwise you're, you know, become a hermit or just let it overtake you and make you small. But I think, to me it's living full out, but in doing that, it's changing your perception of what fear actually is and, as opposed to it being this negative thing, allowing it and reframing it to really be a positive, that whatever presents itself, whatever scares you, um, is probably exactly what you need to do and need to confront. And so, like we said, fear is never going to go away, um, so you might as well just change your relationship with it and see it as opportunity and pointing you in the direction that you need to go, because so often like that period, the period of time that you're talking about, when you are crippled with fear. Now that you are removed from that period and you look back on it, what were you? What like? Was your emotional response to it proportionate to the threat?

Jaclyn:

No, not even remotely. Not even remotely.

Sam:

And I think that 99% of the time that's the case and that's why they say you know.

Sam:

99% of the time that's the case and that's why they say you know fear is an illusion because we're catastrophizing things and assuming we get this voice in our head that tells us all the bad things that could happen and all the bad ways that are negative ways that things could play out, and we forget about the probability that those probably aren't going to happen and we focus on the chance that something could go wrong.

Sam:

And then the reality is too, and what I've experienced, that even if something does go wrong, it's not nearly as bad or it's not proportionate to the fear that I have of it. Similar response and overcome that fear, because if you never face the fear, then you never get that waypoint, you never get that reference that you can go back to that says, hey, I've felt this way before about something. I went through it. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I'm on the other side. This is going to be the same way, and the more and more and more you do that, the less of an effect, the less of a lasting effect that it can have on you, or a negative effect, because you can still hold on to those positive aspects that motivate you.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, so real quick. I think it's kind of interesting that I feel like our roles have reversed, because I feel like in the first part of our marriage I was the one who did not struggle with fear as much, and now I feel like I have struggled with fear more recently. I mean, I grew up where, like my dad set such a positive example for me of not allowing fear to control our emotions. I remember being at a Mexican restaurant and a tornado warning was rolling through our town and I immediately got really scared. I was little and my dad said you know what? The chances of it actually hitting where we are right now are so slim. We're going to keep living our life.

Jaclyn:

Yeah where we are right now are so slim. We're going to keep living our life. And I remember when I was a senior in high school and I was about to go on a trip to Europe and this is when the bombings in London happened and I was supposed to go like two days later and a lot of people were saying that I should cancel my trip, I shouldn't go, it wasn't safe. And I remember my dad saying it's going to be safer now than it was a week ago because there's going to be so much, so many more police out you know people keeping an eye. So maybe unwisely, but he was like I have no issue with you going right now. I think it. I think it's going to be safer than it was.

Jaclyn:

And so I had a tendency to just keep walking forward. I went skydiving when I was 16 years old by myself. So I like to think that I don't allow fear to rule my life. Yet as I've gotten older, I have a son. Now I have a husband, and I feel like I have allowed that to create this feeling in my mind that I have so much more to lose, which has resulted in more nuanced fears Fears about money, fears about my health, fears about your health, fears about Roman's health and thank God, we are all healthy and doing well and we are financially stable. But you know, there have been moments where those fears are literally cripp ling.

Sam:

Yeah, well, but back to you talking about roles reversing. I think that I, you know, I never really like had a fear of the world. I'll say I think when we got married that was the first time I really felt pressure to provide. You know whether or not that was necessary or not, but in my mind, you know, the role of the man and the husband is to provide. So I think at that point in time I started to stress more and more about doing just that providing finances and that sort of thing. And so I think that's probably what you're referencing, you know, in the beginning of our relationship or early on in our relationship. And the funny thing is you were saying that the roles have reversed lately, as you have been experiencing more fear, and I would say it's because you started working with me, so we started working together in our business, and I think that that side of things became more apparent to you of, uhm.

Jaclyn:

Just how risky real estate is?

Sam:

Well, just more aware of. You know how things work and, uh, the stress of it all and you know some big numbers and if things don't go your way, if they take longer than you think they're going to take, then, um, you know you can. It can be stressful.

Sam:

So it takes, it takes time to, it takes time to get used to that. And that goes back to the whole reference point, or, yeah, reference points where you've had those experiences before and you recognize them.

Sam:

But if you haven't experienced that before,

Jaclyn:

It's terrifying.

Sam:

Yeah, terrifying.

Jaclyn:

But then as you continue to grow and this is the upside of dealing with your fear and facing it is that as you continue to grow and perfect example is in real estate the numbers get bigger, the risk gets bigger. You grow in proportion to that fear, and so your ability to take it on and your willingness to take on risk also increases as you face that fear.

Sam:

Yeah, but the thing is is they're not.

Jaclyn:

I thought I said the thing, but the thing is what I said.

Sam:

It's the thing on top of the thing, but it's what was I going to say. It's not that uh it's.

Jaclyn:

We're talking about fear being proportional.

Sam:

Right, right, the, or I will say the risk is proportional to the reward, and that's not a I'm the first guy to say that reward. But, um, at their, their risk is proportionate to the reward, but the fear, in my opinion, is the same, like if you've never had $10 before and you risk losing that $10, then that's going to scare the crap out of you.

Sam:

If it's a million dollars, that's going to scare the crap out of you and I don't think that still scares the crap out of me a little bit, yeah, but I don't think it's Not as much as it used to, though I don't think the fear changes is what I'm saying. I think you get used to it.

Jaclyn:

You get stronger in the midst of it. You get bigger.

Sam:

Right, exactly.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, you do. Okay. So I think a great plug for the Freq App comes in right now because we have a lot of calibrations about fear. One specifically that Sam did called put fear in its place, and I think you should summarize that calibration because it's extremely effective.

Sam:

So all of our calibrations, so you know, when you're listening to them, they're all basically messages to ourselves and we've found them useful and it's basically us working through our own stuff, um, and then putting it down on paper and recording it. So hopefully you, the listener, can, one, know that you're not alone in what you're going through and two, hopefully it can provide some perspective and shift your energy help you walk yourself out of the maze.

Sam:

Yeah, what, what, what was it that we came up with the other day? Tune your nevermind. Yesterday you said something.

Jaclyn:

About tuning your energy?

Sam:

Yeah, but it was something. It was basically like a tagline.

Jaclyn:

One of those moments of brilliance that has. I know that you're. I wrote it down, I wrote it down. I wrote it down. I just can't remember it.

Sam:

calibration. The calibrations title is put fear in its place. If you want to go and give it a listen, and I would say, if you're struggling right now or if you're in a hard spot where your back's against the wall, um and just that place of man, everything is constricted and it just feels like it's hard to breathe. This would be a great calibration to listen to and basically it talks through what we, or I talk through what we just said, and it- In a very concise way.

Sam:

It's all about recognizing fear as the opportunity, because that's exactly what it is In a very concise way an opportunity because we think that, well, once this passes, then I can breathe, once this passes, or once I have this, then everything's going to be okay, but I can't feel okay until I get to that other side. That's the opportunity, that's the real opportunity for growth. And then the calibration I talk about how the, the piece that you're searching for and that you need right now is on this side of the mountain, it's on the climb up, it's not necessarily on the other side getting to the peak and going down the other side.

Sam:

The piece is on this side and recognizing that what you're going through, what that fear is that you're facing, is for you and that you find peace in that, and that it's heavy right now. It's heavy right now, but the longer that you carry it and you're going to have to carry it, just accept the fact. But you're going to have to carry it, and the longer you do, the stronger you will get and the lighter it will feel. And then you're going to have that reference point for the next time that something similar comes along. And maybe that you know, if you think of it, it's. You're carrying this big boulder on your shoulders right now and that's your fear. Well, that's going to get light over time and the next time when you find a boulder that's twice as big, you're going to know how to carry that and it's, but it's not going to be proportionate, just like we said, because you know how to face it.

Jaclyn:

Yeah, maybe the boulder is twice as big, but you're four times as big now.

Sam:

Right, you grow stronger. You grow stronger.

Jaclyn:

So, thank you for sharing that, and I think another important antidote to fear that you should share is about the climber who free soloed El Capitan.

Sam:

Yeah, it was just a reel and I can't even remember who was interviewing him, but he, so for those of you that are not familiar, free solo, free soloing is a rock climbing without any rope or anything.

Sam:

You're basically just walking outside and climbing a cliff, uh, without any safety. So a great documentary if you haven't watched it. But, um, he was talking about fear and the guy interviewing him asked him why do you do this stuff Like? Why do you put yourself in dangerous situations? Um, just trying to understand his mentality. And what the guy said was that he one of the reasons he does put himself in real danger. Real danger, and he hammered that. Um, he put emphasis on the real danger. Real danger and he hammered that. He put emphasis on the real danger, because real danger is you're about to fall off a cliff. Real danger is you're, you know, getting attacked, that kind of stuff that's going to have serious, if not fatal, consequences. But he puts himself in that situation to understand what real fear is and that's what keeps him on living on the edge.

Sam:

Now, not saying that you have to go to that length in order to feel that, but what he said that was interesting was that if we never experience real danger and real fear, then we'll start to create it for ourselves. And he referenced somebody going through the everybody's. You know, seen that person that's Freq out going through the airport and they're scared to go through TSA or they're scared to get on the airplane and they make a mountain out of a molehill of something that's not real fear. But if we never push forward and we never actually experience something that's dangerous or risky, we're naturally going to create it. It's in our DNA, you know. Fear is what kept us alive for a long time, so we're naturally going to create those things in our lives. And I just thought it was interesting because it puts things in perspective just how much we fear things that aren't really dangerous.

Sam:

And just one more thing even with money and finances, ultimately, yeah, it can affect your way of life or your quality of life to a certain extent, but at the end of the day, it's not going to kill you. It's only going to kill you if you stress so much and give yourself a heart attack or whatever it is, but it's not really even dangerous.

Jaclyn:

Do you remember that real estate investor we met and he said he heard a great quote and "it was if money can solve my problem, it's not a real problem.

Sam:

Right, yeah, yeah, that was a great one.

Jaclyn:

It's so true. So yeah, when you're in a fearful state, go pick up the Freq App. That's one of the reasons we created it. It was to help you get out of that mental maze with tangible tools and literal frequency to change the tune of your thoughts. And then remember that most of the time, fear is just a thought. Dismiss it as such. This is just a thought. It doesn't have to stick unless you let it stick. And ultimately, have to stick unless you let it stick. And ultimately, like we said at the beginning of this episode, the antidote to fear is living. Fear keeps you stuck. Living keeps you moving forward. So I want to end with a question what makes you feel alive? Go and do it. Thank you so much for tuning in today. We hope you have the best day ever!

Jaclyn:

Thank you so much for listening to the Freq Show with Sam Thurmond and me, Jaclyn Steele Thurmond. We would love to connect with you via our website, beckonliving. com, and on social media.

Sam:

You can find us on Instagram and TikTok @Beckon Living and you can join our email list to receive uplifting messages, podcast and business updates and discounts on high frequency products, just for our Freqy community. Cheers to high frequency living!